Villains: The Aftermath
by The-Fun-Rinoa
Summary: Heh, We see what happened to the villains from final fantasy after they failed! 2nd chapter has landed! Kefka from ff6! Sorry, but there doesn't appear to be a ff6 section!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own any if the final fantasy characters; belong to square, etc, etc. WARNING! Mild-ish spoilers for ff9 included!  
  
Villains: The Aftermath, Part I!  
  
Presenter: Hello, and welcome to the first instalment of Villains: the aftermath. In this four-part series, we will be discovering what happened to those not-so loveable characters of the Fantasy series. Today, I am in the house of Kuja, the villain from Final Fantasy IX. Kuja, Thank you for participating in our show, it's an honour to have you here.  
  
*Cheering*  
  
Kuja: Thank you, Thank you.  
  
Presenter: Yes. So, Kuja -lets get down to business, what happened after you were freed from the Lifa Tree?  
  
Kuja: Well, I spent a long time ion hospital at first, you know, recovering. Zidane was there too, and we talked a lot about things, my life, what I was going to do - and I realised I had no plans. I realised my whole way of life way wrong, and I didn't really know other way than evil.  
  
Presenter: Oh, what a shame! What happened when you came out of hospital?  
  
Kuja: Well, I went back to my desert palace for a while, just trying to lay low, you know, I wasn't exactly in people's favour, trying to destroy the crystal and all that. But, eventually the money was drying out - and I had no choice but to try and get a job.  
  
Presenter: What happened?  
  
Kuja: Everywhere I went doors were slammed in my face. People didn't trust me. I had a stint as a bodyguard for Cid, but I didn't really suit. That Eiko girl was everywhere, pestering me, and later Cid fired me for "chatting up" Hilda. I was only talking to her!  
  
Presenter: *thinking* Still wasn't very wise, was it? Well, what can you expect from failed villains? He wasn't exactly cunning.  
  
Kuja: So, I kept trying, and trying, but still nobody wanted to hire me. Eventually, the bills were piling up, and I fell into a state of depression. All alone in my draughty palace, the mages gone, I almost regretted turning Zorn and thorn into a raging beast. I was so alone, so hated, I felt so guilty for what I had done. They Didn't believe me when I said I was good again,  
  
Presenter: *Blowing his nose* That is so sad. *looks at camera* People can change, don't you realise that! Cold-hearted monsters, see what you did to him!  
  
Kuja: So, I got in touch with a counsellor, started going 3 times a week. And she suggested I start a business, seen as no-one would hire me. She asked me what I was good at. I didn't really know, evil plots were my game. So, I went away and thought, until I was hit by a brainwave!! There was one thing Gaia was missing! Presenter: Oh? What's that?  
  
Kuja: THONGS!! *Pulls out a Red piece of material* Think about it! Gaia isn't really in with the hot lad-ees is it?? This will fix all of that! I designed my own myself, and it's so comfy you know, I just had to share them with everyone else!  
  
Presenter: Oh, uhm.Ok then.*shudders at the thought of Freya wearing a thong*  
  
Kuja: *starts pulling out a entire range of thongs* the winter collection is almost completed, with new ultra-stretchy elastic! *twangs the elastic* You hear the elasticy twang?! It's simply marvellous! My new Polka dot range is going down a treat too! They come in satin, silk, and for the saver, cotton.  
  
Presenter: Oh, well.Err.How did the loneliness thing go anyway?  
  
Kuja: Oh, that's the best part! The Mognet failed again, this time for good. So all the moogles were lonely too, and on the streets, so..  
  
*Over 30 moogles pop up from behind the sofa wearing thongs*  
  
Kuja: ..I took them in!! You see? They're my models! We've had shows in Dali and Treno already! The upcoming winter collection is all set for the Ice cavern!  
  
*A moogle begins climbing all over "Presenter" Mike's hair, apparently making some kind of a nest*  
  
Mike: Are these things.Tame??  
  
Kuja: Oh, don't worry about Angel, she's just affectionate!  
  
Mike: You didn't answer my question.  
  
Kuja: Well.Maybe.  
  
Mike: Well, I'm afraid that's all we have time for today! Seem you same time next week, where's we'll have ff6's kef- OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  
  
*The camera is suddenly dropped as the cameraman tries to prise the moogle off Mike's nose. Kuja is heard laughing and ranting about a new feather style. More screaming is heard as the camera slides across the room*  
  
30 minutes later..  
  
*All is silent. A white moogle appears over the camera and taps the screen*  
  
Moogle: Ku-po. 


	2. Burn, baby burn

Mike: Hello! Welcome to the second instalment of Villains: The aftermath! Todays episode is bigger and better than ever!  
  
Studio Audience: Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
  
Mike: Excuse me, but since when have we had a studio audience?  
  
Producer: *shrugs* They just turned up, I thought they could be useful, you know, more drama.  
  
Mike: I think we have enough drama already. Killer frikken moogles if I may remind you.  
  
Producer: Mike, they were moogles. Moogles are cute fluffy things that you see in Lindblum.  
  
Mike: Excuse me, but who is the one with a broken arm gained from sitting with those little savages?  
  
Studio audience: Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhh  
  
Producer: I seem to remember that Kuja had been living with them for 6 months, and he was fine!  
  
Mike: Shut up! Those things are evil, evil I tell you!  
  
Audience: *laughter*  
  
Producer: Oh, forget it. I have a meeting to go to, you can stay here on your own with the camerman.  
  
Mike: WAIT! How I am Supposee to get home!?  
  
*The producer gets in to a limo and drives away*  
  
Producer: *distant voice* I'm sure you'll find a way.  
  
Mike: Yeah, but, but...Oh, forget it. Please welcome Kefka everyone.  
  
Audience: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!  
  
Mike: ¬_¬  
  
Kefka: Hello, Micheal. I'm so pleased I was invited to the show!  
  
Mike: We couldn't be more pleased to be here. To start off, where are we Kefka?  
  
Kefka: If you would care to look around, you will see we are in a trailer.  
  
Mike: And why is that?  
  
Kefka: Well, I have joined the circus Mike! My bad make-up and outrageous clothes gained me offers from the world's best! I went freelance after a while, I now demand 2,000,000 gil per show! The kiddies are terrified!  
  
Mike: So, you're doing well for yourself then!  
  
Kefka: oh yes. I have been offered parts in huge horror movies and games too, such as Silent Hill 4 and Scream 4. They said my laugh sounded like a molested weasel! I was quite flattered really.  
  
Mike: So, do you ever miss your evil roots?  
  
Kefka: No.  
  
Mike: Oh, well, erm.  
  
Kefka: I'm good friends with all the Espers now, oh yes.  
  
Mike: Ah. Well, ho-, erm, yes.  
  
Kefka: Is that all?  
  
Mike: Oh, no, no I'm sure that can't be it!  
  
Kefka: Well that seems to be it.  
  
Mike: Erm, Well, let's make up a few, keep the show going, er.Your costumes, where do you buy them from?  
  
Kefka: Costumes?  
  
Mike: You know, your clothes. They MUST be costumes.  
  
Kefka: No, I've worn these most of my life! They're just normal! Do-don't you like them? Everyone else does.  
  
Mike: No, actually, I prefer jeans.I think your clothes are ridiculous to be honest. You said so yourself. I'm not sure how you manage to walk the streets without having things pelted at you.  
  
Audience: Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
  
Kefka: You, you, you; JERK! I really liked them! I thought I was fitting in so well...*Runs away crying*  
  
Audience: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
  
Cameraman: You dumbass, you're so insensitive!  
  
Mike: What? All I said was that his dress sense was abysmal.  
  
Cameraman: No, that's never offended anyone.  
  
Mike: Well, what am I supposed to say? Yes, your clothes are just wonderful? You look so elegant? He looks like he belongs in a play! He's in the circus! Surely he didn't think they were nice!?  
  
Cameraman: You're gonna get your stupid ass fired.  
  
Mike: No I won't I signed a contract, they can't!  
  
Cameraman: I didn't mean like.  
  
*WHAM*  
  
Cameraman.that.  
  
*Mike lies sprawled on the floor with a fireball slammed into his back. Kefka is standing with Ifrit by his side, smirking.*  
  
Kefka: Ha.  
  
Ifrit: . . .  
  
Kefka: . . .  
  
Audience: . .  
  
Cameraman: *Staring at the limp body* What do we do now?  
  
Kekfa: Er..  
  
Cameraman: *Pokes Mike's body with a stick*  
  
Kefka: Can't we just turn the camera off?  
  
Cameraman: No, we have 15 minutes of the show left.  
  
*The three stand in the trailer staring at the limp body*  
  
Kefka: Do you want some tea?  
  
Cameraman: Two sugars.  
  
*Ifrit stands in the middle of the room whistling. He tries to sit down but burns a hole in the sofa*  
  
Ifrit: You think he will notice?  
  
* We interrupt this program for a short commercial break *  
  
*The camera is propped up with a stick as kekfa, Ifrit and the Cameraman sit on the sofa sipping tea.* Cameraman: Any big shows soon?  
  
Kefka:Yes, actually. Freak show on Saturday. Big money. I am hypnosis man, the man with the evil eyes. They said they were hollow and empty, exactly what they were looking for.  
  
Mike: Yeeeeeeees..  
  
*more sipping of tea*  
  
Kefka: Where have that audience gone?  
  
Cameraman: I think they went home.  
  
*A mouse eats some cheese*  
  
Kefka: So . . .  
  
Cameraman: So.  
  
Kekfa: - how is your life as cameraman?  
  
Cameraman: Well, I really did want a job with chocobo express you know, quality programming. I studied camera angles with proffeser Tot, you know. But nay, I could only get a job here at Life crystal TV.  
  
Kefka: Well, that's a shame.you are good, you know. Don't you think he's good Ifrit?  
  
Ifrit: I'm hot.  
  
All: . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Kefka: *Kicking Mike's blood-spattered body* So, who is this guy anyway?  
  
Cameraman: Who knows? This is his first show. I doubt he's even had training.  
  
Kekfa: I can tell.  
  
*The sipping continues as Ifrit shuffles in his chair*  
  
Kefka: Say, should we get him to a hospital or something?  
  
Cameraman: Oh, yeah, probably. *The sipping carries on*  
  
Kefka: Are we going to then?  
  
Cameraman: What? Oh, yes, I suppose.  
  
*The tea is put down and the three clumsily pick up the body and bundle it into the boot.*  
  
Cameraman: Can he breather in there?  
  
Kekfa: It doesn't matter.  
  
*They get into the car and drive away*  
  
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*Some tumbleweed passes by*  
  
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*The car pulls up*  
  
Cameraman: *looking into the camera* Sorry! 


End file.
